Happy 9th Birthday Thomas

Well, we have had a busy day celebrating Thomas' 9th Birthday. He has been so excited for this day to come. Ever since Steven's birthday last month all he has talked about is having his own birthday party and who he was inviting. Even at school yesterday, he was so excited to pass out cupcakes for his birthday. He asked us yesterday on the way home if any of us were going to tell him happy birthday yesterday and we laughed and told him that his birthday was the 7th not the 6th, he just said,"Oh, OK." We went to breakfast today and then had his party this evening. He was so proud and excited for his birthday. Someone told me yesterday at school that they have never seen a child get so excited for their birthday before. Then, I thought to myself, that is because he has a lot of birthday to make up for, ones where there was no celebrating, but only the words, Happy Birthday.

Dear Thomas,
Wow, my baby boy is 9 years old. You are growing up so fast on me. You are so excited for each birthday, but I have such mixed emotions. I am happy to be celebrating your birthday with you, but sad that you are now another year older and growing up on me. I also can't help to think about the birthdays that I missed. The ones where there wasn't a party, or a present but just the words Happy Birthday. I think of how you have grown since you have been here and the many changes you have went through. You are my "baby boy", and your dad and I love you so much. I see a beautiful boy growing up so nice and trying so hard. I see the excitement in just the simple things that you do or things people say to you. I see things that many take for granted, but you embrace so and hold on so tight to so that you enjoy each moment. Deep down, I know you remember what it was like to do without, that is why you enjoy things so much. I see so many things in your future and everything that you have going for you. You have so many talents you aren't even aware of yet, you are so special. I truly love being your mommy, and I know that you love being my son. I love the simple looks that you give, or that wonderful smile that you have that shows from ear to ear. I also love the tenderness in your heart when you are helping others, especially when others may not quite expect it. You make me proud! I may not have been there on the day you were born, but please trust me when I say that on that day, you were born in my heart. God knew that I would be your mommy one day, and he knew exactly when that day would be. I thank God for you Thomas each day and the fact that he has blessed me with the honor of being your mommy! I love you and Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Missing Mom

Well, as you can tell from the title it has been one of those days. But, the more I think of it, it has been a little more than that. I believe that it is just one of those times where I just truly miss my mom. Don't get me wrong, I miss my mom all of the time, but trust me when I say that when your parents have died, you find that you miss them more at some times than others. Well, lately, I have sure missed mine. My mom and I were very close and we pretty well knew what the other was thinking. My mom knew me very well and could tell when something was bothering me, or when I just needed to blow off steam, or needed to let some tears fall, she was always there. We shared many conversations and would talk about simple things to very indepth things. I loved our talks, and I valued her opinion as well as her criticisms:). She always said that if you don't want my opinion or advice then don't ask. She would never really interfere or give an opinion unless she was asked. I sure miss those opinions and her guidance. She knew when I needed to be told the truth even if I really didn't want to hear it, but she also knew when I needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I knew I could always depend on mom (and she told me she felt them same about me). She was one of my two best friends (Mike being the other). She was the strongest woman that I know, she never gave up no matter how bad things got. Many have no idea some of the things my mom went through, but she still kept on going. She was always there for us kids no matter what, and we always knew that. She was the glue that held us together. I would sure like to share different things that have happened in my life recently. I hate it that my two youngest never got to meet her. I would love to ask her opinion on different things, or have a laugh with her. I hate it that she never got to see me go to Africa and back, I know as much as it would have scared her to see me go, she would have been so proud that I did go and did it by myself (I know that she would have said, "I knew you could do it all along"). I know that she would be proud of me, but I would just love to have her here to hear her say it. I miss our talks, her wonderful sense of humor, her sarcasm (I get it honest), her hugs, her advice and her confidence. I guess the best way to say it is, I just miss my mom.
Go hug your mom today, or just give her a call and talk, trust me, you'll miss it when you can't do it anymore.

"True Love"

Well, I am not for sure if anyone really reads my blog, but I have come to the conclusion that if for anyone, I write it for me. I write it to remember feelings, situations and maybe one day so our children can read it and know what was happening in our lives.

To most people love means mushy, gushy, funny feelings that you get when you look at someone or think about that special someone. I have seen many people walk away from each other because that funny feeling in their stomach just wasn't there anymore and the work became to hard. Well, after 13 years I find out what “true love” means more and more each day. True love isn’t hanging out and being there when things are going great and everything is going our way. It’s not having our own way and having everything we dreamed of when we want it. It isn’t just working hard and enjoying what we think we’ve earned or deserve. I am learning slowly but surely what true love is. What I have learned and am continuing to learn is that “true love” is something that is tested many times in a marriage (just to see if you are in it for the long haul). I have learned that “true love” loves you even when you don’t look to good or in fact look terrible, which in fact I have a few times. “True Love” is just being there for the other person when that person watches a parent fail and ultimately die. “True Love” is there for each other when dreams fall apart and disappear and new ones are created. “True Love” doesn’t expect perfection but takes you for who you are and stills love you. “True Love” holds your hand when you are near, but holds your heart when miles separate us. “True Love” puts your trust in the other person even if they don’t completely understand. “True Love” loves you when you are not so lovable. “True Love” gives you hope when no hope seems to be anywhere around. “True Love” is there when you’ve cried the last tear you have, and tries to make you smile. “True Love” stays when it would have been much easier to walk away. “True Love” loves you when love (and God) are all you have. “True Love” tells you what you need to hear sometimes, even when you don’t necessarily what to hear it. “True Love” also picks up the slack when you just don’t feel like you can go on. But, with all of this that “True Love” does, it doesn’t leave the other behind or it doesn’t give up.
I am experiencing and have experienced "True Love". My husband of almost 13 years is my "True Love". We are not perfect, and we continue to learn each day. Love is work, but it is worth all of the effort. Sure there are days when we get on each other's nerves, but we try to hang on. There have been stressors in our lives just like anyone else's, parents, children, losses, struggles, etc. I could go on, but we have also experience the most wonderful joys together. Mike makes me laugh so hard sometimes, he picks me up when I am at my lowest. We have helped each other to care for our parents and to help each other deal with their deaths. We have lost dreams, but we worked together to create new ones, and thank God we did.
Now a days many people just walk away because love is just to hard and things don't go as planned. "True Love" is hard work, but well worth it!
Happy Valentines Day Mike!

High/Low Thursday

Well I seen this on someone else's site and thought I would try it. You just tell you highs and lows for the week at this time. Just a side note, I fixed it to where anyone can leave a comment even if they aren't signed up as a blogger. I love to hear from people just at least to know that people are reading my blog. Also, feel free to ask me questions that you might have, questions about our family, adoption, culturally mixed family, and I will try to answer them.

Here it goes:

HIGHS:

1. Thomas' wonderful dr.'s report this week that the lump on his groin was Cat Scratch Fever and nothing worse. (It was a long week, but God was with us).
2. We are all healthy and have a warm place to live.
3. Getting to celebrate our oldest son's 10th birthday.

LOWS:
1. Dealing with a 10 year old's growing pains:):)
2. When we thought that Thomas has something much more serious.
3. Dealing with the stress of everything.


Hope to hear from some of you.

Happy 10th Birthday Steven!

Well, it is Steven's 10th Birthday today. Wow 10 years has flown by fast! I can remember just like it was yesterday that I was carrying him home from the hospital. I tell him every year on this birthday about the day he was born. My mom always did that to me and I loved it. You would never know it to look at him now, but he was a little baby 6 lbs. 9 ounces. We always called him bird legs. But boy look at him know, he is almost as tall as me. He was excited b/c today he got to pick everything that he would get for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We have heard for a week (numerous times during those days) just what he was having:) Breakfast--Bacon, egg and cheese bagel from McDonald's, lunch--bologna and cheese sandwich, and for supper--chicken and noodles, mashed potatoes, corn and cole slaw. We also surprised him with a cookie cake and a couple of presents. We are having his party on Saturday, so everyone else will come then. I think that he loved the whole day. I know that I have thought back to many memories that we have made over the last 10 years and think about how my boy has grown in many ways.
I got this idea from someone else's blog. It is a letter to Steven on his birthday.

Dear Steven,
Wow, where has 10 years gone? You are no longer in the single digits, it is doubles the rest of the way. I think of the moment we found out I was pregnant for you and how excited we were. Then when you actually came into the world (I did think sometimes that I would be carrying you around inside of me until you were 10--LOL), I knew that the love I had for you was not like anything I had ever felt before (but I felt that really before you were born). I knew when I seen you were everything I had dreamed of and more. You were such a wonderful baby. Then later the 2 and 3 year olds crept in and I don't know if wonderful would be a word that always described your actions--LOL (ex. coloring on the walls, potty training, climbing everywhere), but that smile seemed to get you out of a lot of trouble. Then, a couple of years later off to school you went and my eyes were filled with tears. You have seen many things in your 10 years. You have at to experience things like hospitals and nursing home and even death that most kids experience only as adults, and you would just "go with the flow". I will never forget you at Ohio State Hospital going to Grandma's room by yourself. I guess it was dad and I that was lost huh? You have always been a smart boy (sometimes to smart for your own good--LOL)and we are so proud of your academics, you have really shown a lot of maturity with your school work. You have also become a big brother in two little siblings in a pretty short time and you have embraced that pretty well. Sometimes, I know that the adjustment has been more yours than anyone's, but each time you have welcomed them with open arms and always excitedly asked when you could have more brothers and sisters. You have a tender heart and that shines through. You have your moments like any child, and growing pains creep in. I love when we sit or drive and talk about different things that are going on, and how you laugh at the silliest things. You have such a wonderful sense of humor! You are also so kind and gentle to help the people at the nursing home and your grandma. I never hear you complain when we go to see her.
I know that the next 10 years will be fun, exciting, and yet challenging and at times heartbreaking, but you are one of a kind. If you keep God in your heart and your mind there are numerous possibilities out there for you. He has great plans for you (you know I can still see you in the secret service one day, or in a political type job--You are my Jack Bauer--LOL). Remember I am always here for you and always will be. You are a great son and I love you. Happy 10th Birthday my AFC!! You are one of our three gifts from God!
Love,
Mom
P.S. I do have baby pictures, they just aren't on disk yet!!

An Answer to Prayer

Well, I want to first start out by saying that the dr. called and told us that Thomas tested positive for Cat Stratch Fever. PRAISE GOD!! I have never been so thrilled to hear that my child had something as I was to hear that. I told God that I would give him ALL of the glory for it and I am. Many times over the past week, many things had ran through my mind. My mind did get carried away at times, and I would think about all kinds of things that could happen to my baby boy. At times it could get pretty overwhelming. God did ease my mind numerous times. Stressful is not even the word for it. I do think that after something like this, a person does appreciate their family and their health much more. I know that there are no guarentees and things can change in a moment (which I already knew that, but sometimes you have to be reminded). I appreciate those laughs more, or those times where you hold them just a little longer, or lay down with them at night and stay just a little longer, or you just sit quietly and watch them play without them knowing you are watching. I even listen to them argue and as sad as it is smile, because at least they are here to argue. No one ever wants to think about life without their children. For some it is a reality, for others it is a nightmare they pray they never have to face. I guess I was caught somewhere in the middle. I learned that when you are faced with something like that, you have no choice but to move on and learn how to deal. You shed those tears when your child is not around, or make up excuses as to why your eyes are red, when they ask. You learn that God is now your chief physician and you just pray that He works through the worldly physicians. Your mother instincts come in, and you do everything in your power to protect your child and make sure that only the best is done for them. I don't know why we went through this, but I do know that I appreciate my kids more. Will I still get stressed, or tired, or upset once in awhile? I am sure, I am human you know. But I know that I don't take their health lightly (not that I ever did). I learned that people that do go through the worst case scenerio are very brave people (both parents and children) and I look up to them for that bravery. I also Praise God for this as well!! Sidenote: I think that Thomas' cheeks have never been kissed my mommy more than they have in the past week:)
Thank you again for all of your prayers, they were felt!