Don't Give Up

It has been a long night and day! Thomas has been sick for a couple of days. He has woke up at night complaining of horrible stomach cramps. The dr. had him get check and stomach x-rays, which thank God showed nothing, so we are thinking it may be a virus. Then, last night Josie woke up at about 12:30a.m. and said that her stomach was hurt, which eventually led to her throwing up 3 different times throughout the night. So, to say the least we haven't been getting very much sleep at night. She seems to be a little better, but everyone is very tired tonight. Then on the way to work this afternoon Mike ran over a bungy cord and it got caught in the truck tire and also hit our tail light and broke it along with giving us a flat tire (not to mention is was very cold out and Mike didn't take a coat with him). So we are all ready for a new day, but I did tell Mike that at least he came home to a warm home and to a family that loves him. So, that has been the last couple of days for us, hopefully the rest of Spring Break will be better.
The title of this blog just really spoke to me. On Sunday the preacher spoke about not giving up. What really caught me was when he said that God NEVER gave up on us. Even when the devil was tempting Jesus, especially on the cross which some believe was the greatest temptation to give up, he didn't. Even when he all the reasons in the world to give up on us humans, he didn't. He suffered the ultimate sacrifice for us, even when we didn't even come close to deserving it. Then, the preacher said, we should never give up on God. When things don't go according to our plan, or our timeline, we shouldn't give up on God, because He didn't give up on us, as he does know best. That really hit home. We all go through things, and some really hard and bad things at that. There are times when some of us just feel that we are done and we aren't even going to try anymore, because why, it doesn't seem to be helping at all. I am not going to pretend that I haven't been there, b/c I have, but that message just reminded me to never give up. After all God did for me, there is no excuse to give up on Him. God knows our future and he sees our true heart, and what he does, he does because he loves us. When I think about what Jesus endured for me, and the torture he put upon himself and didn't choose to take the easy way out, I have no excuse to give up or question him. When I think about
God giving his one and only son up for us, I am overwhelmed and in ah with his love for us. When he asks me to do something, I have to know that he knows what's best. I think of what he went through and what he watched his son go through, people making fun of him, laughing at him, beating him, spitting on him, his own people denying him, it makes me sick and sad. But happiness overcomes me also, that my God loves me that much. I know when he asked me to go to Africa I was always questioning if it was what he really wanted me to do. People laughed at me when I told them that I felt that God wanted me to go, some to my face and some behind my back. I was yelled at and made fun of at times. Many gave disapproving looks, questioned what in the world I was doing, couldn't believe that God had wanted me to do this and many didn't really believe that I felt God calling me. But, I knew that deep down in my heart that it was exactly what he was wanting me to do. I didn't even come close to going through what Jesus did, but it sure helped me to understand him better. It showed me that He knew what was best and that he knew the future and that as crazy as life and people for that matter get, he doesn't want us to give up. He doesn't want us to give up even when we don't know the future or why we are going through what we are, but all that matters is that he knows that future and why we are going through what we are. He doesn't want us to give up, afterall, He NEVER gave up on US.

It's All Worth It

Oh how that title is true! It truly is ALL worth it. I had my little girl with me today in the grocery store, or "market" as she calls it. She got a little restless for a little bit and wasn't real happy that she had to sit in the cart, but as we went on, she got over that and she was happy again. Then, she had gotten in my purse and I looked at her and she had her shoes off and her pant legs rolled up and she was rubbing lotion all over herself. She looked at me and said, "I dry", all I could do was smile and laugh at her and just let her go on and continue to rub the lotion on herself. She was just so sweet sitting there doing that. Then, when we paid for everything and went to the truck, I got her out of the cart to put her in her carseat and she hugged me with everything she had in her and she kissed me and said, "I love you so much mommy and I love being with you." At that point, all I could do was smile. God knew that was just what I needed to hear. It doesn't matter all of the sacrifices we had to make to get her here, or the ones that we continue to make because we are still paying what we borrowed, because those words were priceless. When I think about what her life could still be in Liberia, and how she could be hungry and suffering right now, not to mention what her future could have been there, there is NO sacrifice to big for her or for any of my children for that fact. I was talking to my brother tonight about this and he said, that it won't matter what type of house I have or didn't have or car we drove or didn't drive, but that when I am older and Josie is an adult, just to know that she had a better life and that she was loved with all of our hearts is what will matter. We have made sacrifices over the past couple of years, (as I know others have as well) so that we could get our children and bring them home. Some people will never know or understand our decisions, some will always criticize, and I say that I am sad that they have not experienced this kind of love. Love that you sacrifice anything for, because all the sacrifices that we have made for each of our children have been "all worth it". Just the way God feels about us! WOW, I love the way that our God just slides those lessons into our lives in the quietest of ways:). Thank you God for sacrificing for me!

God Reminds Me

Well, it has been a busy week. The boys have had 2 soccer games so far (Thomas scored 3 goals tonight, and Steven was goalie and did not allow any goals to score tonigh--:)). I also took Josie for her Kindergarten registration tonight. My baby girl will be a big Kindergartener come the end of August. Thomas also got citizen of the month today, I was so proud of him as he has been working so hard. Josie is so excited about going to school, I know she will love it, if only she can wait until August (she has already told me that she wants a Dora backpack:)). But with the excitement of that, a bit of saddness creeps in b/c Steven will be a 5th grader and goes to a new school next year. I will miss him so much.
With all of the activities going on, things get a little hectic and at times everyone is going every direction. Well, the other day the kids were having a hard time listening, mostly the two older ones and it had been a long day and I just thought, why can't they just listen. I thought I love them so much, why can't they just listen to me and do what I ask, I know what is best for them. Well, bedtime came and when I knelt by my bed at night to pray, God really hit me over the head when I was praying. I felt him saying, "you know Andrea, I feel the same way about you sometimes, why don't you just listen to me all of the time, I know what is best for you and I love you more than you will ever know". I just stopped and thought about that for a minute, I do the same thing to God sometimes. I don't listen sometimes, even when he is right in my face telling me something, I just seem to not listen and continue arguing or ignoring him. But, just like a mom is with her children, God is the same with me. He still loves me and is there when I have discovered that He was right all along. He is there to hear I'm sorry and to pick me up when I have fallen. Just like a mother (and father) are there for their children, God is there for all of us, even when we don't always listen the first time.

They Really Do Listen

I had to share something funny that happened today. To start with, when Thomas is doing is school work and gets frustrated, I always tell him to just calm down and take a breather, especially when he is trying to spell his spelling words.
Well, Thomas' teacher was talking to me today and she said that last week, he was taking his spelling test and she noticed that he messed up on a word and was erasing it and was starting to get stressed. Then, without him know that she was listening, she said that she seen him stop and take a breather and say to himself,"mom says to calm down and take a breather." He did just that and got a perfect on his spelling test. When she told me that I have to admit I stood just a little taller and smiled with pride, that yes he does hear me when I talk. Isn't funny how something so small can just make your day? It sure did mine.

Our Children

Well, Mike and I got another set of pictures and letters sent out for our childrens' families in Liberia. A friend of ours is going over for a crusade in a couple of weeks. As I was getting the pictures ready and writing the letters, many things came over me. I looked at the pictures I was sending and just thought, "What will their birth parents think when they see these pictures?" I wonder if they can see how happy the children are, or that they are being well cared for, or most of all, if they can tell just how much we love them? I really think that they do. I know that our son's birthfather knows that we love Thomas very much (as we have had contact with him in the year and a half that we have had Thomas). I also know that he appreciates when we send pictures. I try to send them whenever I know of someone going over. I know that many people think that it is a little odd that we have an "open adoption" with our children's birth family in Africa, but it works for us. I mean that is the least that I can do is to send pictures to let them see that our child is doing well, that they are smiling, healthy, safe and loved. Maybe by sending these pictures it will ease that ache in their heart that I am sure is always there, it may help to reassure them that they did the right thing. Their is a special feeling in our hearts for our children's birth families. I was very fortunate that I was able to meet and spend time with both of our childrens' birth families. When I seen them it was like we held a special bond that was between us that no one else had. Almost like an unspoken connection. I seen Thomas' father look at his pictures and smile at how he was growing, but also a saddness to what he is missing. I also seen Josephine's birth mom hold her and pray for her before she let go, she prayed that God would keep her safe from any harm. I seen her look at her and know that this is what she truly wanted for Josephine, but also the saddness that any mother would feel in this situation. I seen two parents be so brave to put their own feelings aside to put their child's well-being and safety first. Two parents who sacrificed so that their children would not want for food, education, safety and health and have a chance at life. With that being said, how could I not keep in contact to let them know that the choice they made was right. I truly feel that these parents are part of our family. When I seen Thomas' birth father, I couldn't shake hands with him, I hugged him (just as I did with Josephine's birth mother), because a bond for a little child joined us together as family. A bond God wove together. I feel that we are picking up where these parents left off. We have an unspoken bond that only parents can have. Granted not everyone can have this with their children's birth family, as I know situations are different, but I feel very blessed to have this with both of our children's families. We are very open with our children and teach them to love and respect their birth families, as they gave a great sacrifice. When I write the letters, there is so much I want to say, from how well our child is doing to thank you for the sacrifice, to our child will always know what you gave up for them and why. I will always do my best to keep this contact as I feel that it is not only best for our children but also good for all involved. I try to put myself in their shoes and just to see some pictures or hear how the child is doing, would put my heart at some ease and that is the least I can do. I don't see our child as mine or theirs, I see our children as just that, "Our Children" (all of us together).

Happy 9th Birthday Thomas

Well, we have had a busy day celebrating Thomas' 9th Birthday. He has been so excited for this day to come. Ever since Steven's birthday last month all he has talked about is having his own birthday party and who he was inviting. Even at school yesterday, he was so excited to pass out cupcakes for his birthday. He asked us yesterday on the way home if any of us were going to tell him happy birthday yesterday and we laughed and told him that his birthday was the 7th not the 6th, he just said,"Oh, OK." We went to breakfast today and then had his party this evening. He was so proud and excited for his birthday. Someone told me yesterday at school that they have never seen a child get so excited for their birthday before. Then, I thought to myself, that is because he has a lot of birthday to make up for, ones where there was no celebrating, but only the words, Happy Birthday.

Dear Thomas,
Wow, my baby boy is 9 years old. You are growing up so fast on me. You are so excited for each birthday, but I have such mixed emotions. I am happy to be celebrating your birthday with you, but sad that you are now another year older and growing up on me. I also can't help to think about the birthdays that I missed. The ones where there wasn't a party, or a present but just the words Happy Birthday. I think of how you have grown since you have been here and the many changes you have went through. You are my "baby boy", and your dad and I love you so much. I see a beautiful boy growing up so nice and trying so hard. I see the excitement in just the simple things that you do or things people say to you. I see things that many take for granted, but you embrace so and hold on so tight to so that you enjoy each moment. Deep down, I know you remember what it was like to do without, that is why you enjoy things so much. I see so many things in your future and everything that you have going for you. You have so many talents you aren't even aware of yet, you are so special. I truly love being your mommy, and I know that you love being my son. I love the simple looks that you give, or that wonderful smile that you have that shows from ear to ear. I also love the tenderness in your heart when you are helping others, especially when others may not quite expect it. You make me proud! I may not have been there on the day you were born, but please trust me when I say that on that day, you were born in my heart. God knew that I would be your mommy one day, and he knew exactly when that day would be. I thank God for you Thomas each day and the fact that he has blessed me with the honor of being your mommy! I love you and Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Missing Mom

Well, as you can tell from the title it has been one of those days. But, the more I think of it, it has been a little more than that. I believe that it is just one of those times where I just truly miss my mom. Don't get me wrong, I miss my mom all of the time, but trust me when I say that when your parents have died, you find that you miss them more at some times than others. Well, lately, I have sure missed mine. My mom and I were very close and we pretty well knew what the other was thinking. My mom knew me very well and could tell when something was bothering me, or when I just needed to blow off steam, or needed to let some tears fall, she was always there. We shared many conversations and would talk about simple things to very indepth things. I loved our talks, and I valued her opinion as well as her criticisms:). She always said that if you don't want my opinion or advice then don't ask. She would never really interfere or give an opinion unless she was asked. I sure miss those opinions and her guidance. She knew when I needed to be told the truth even if I really didn't want to hear it, but she also knew when I needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I knew I could always depend on mom (and she told me she felt them same about me). She was one of my two best friends (Mike being the other). She was the strongest woman that I know, she never gave up no matter how bad things got. Many have no idea some of the things my mom went through, but she still kept on going. She was always there for us kids no matter what, and we always knew that. She was the glue that held us together. I would sure like to share different things that have happened in my life recently. I hate it that my two youngest never got to meet her. I would love to ask her opinion on different things, or have a laugh with her. I hate it that she never got to see me go to Africa and back, I know as much as it would have scared her to see me go, she would have been so proud that I did go and did it by myself (I know that she would have said, "I knew you could do it all along"). I know that she would be proud of me, but I would just love to have her here to hear her say it. I miss our talks, her wonderful sense of humor, her sarcasm (I get it honest), her hugs, her advice and her confidence. I guess the best way to say it is, I just miss my mom.
Go hug your mom today, or just give her a call and talk, trust me, you'll miss it when you can't do it anymore.