Good-Bye 2010, and Hello 2011

Well, it has been a LONGGGGGGG time since my last post. So much has changed and happened since then. I sit here typing this post thinking about the last year, and honestly wondering what the next year will bring. I sure hope in a lot of ways it is better than the last 365 days. I'm glad I didn't know all of the different things that would have happened this last year, because honestly I don't know if I could have handled it. 2010 was probably one of the hardest years Mike and I have ever had to go through. God has had to carry us many times this past year, and many times we felt like God was all we had. But, we also found out ultimately God is all we truly need. Even when others look on the outside and think they know what is going on or why, I have learned that I don't always have to defend or explain myself, as long as God knows our heart and intentions that's all that matters. We went from Mike losing his job, to his brother suddenly dying, to his mother dying about a month ago. The biggest positive is that we have added another member to our family. In the summer we added a 14 year old girl to our family. God led us to her and asked us to follow Him, even when the timing didn't really make a whole lot of sense, we still followed Him and know that He has a plan, not only for us, but for Rachel as well. It seems like she has always been with us and she is one of the family now. I am glad I don't know the future and what it holds. I know God holds it and that is really all that matters.
I have learned many lessons over the last year. I have learned to trust God, even when I don't understand at all. He has assured me that it is OK to not understand or even like the situation, but there is a reason and season for everything, and there are lessons to be learned. I have learned what marriage vows mean and value a husband that follows them as well. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband that loves me and our family, and never gives us, even when the "going is more than tough". I have watched my husband's heart break over losing 2 very important people in his life in a very short period of time. The saying that time heals all wounds, is really not true (which I already knew myself), because you never completely heal, you just learn how to deal with it. You see I have never lost a sibling (I have lost both of my parents though), but not the person that I grew up with. Mike said that in just a few short years, he has lost the people he grew up in his home with. You see he has an older brother, but by the time Mike could do and remember a lot, his older brother had moved out and started a family of his own. I think what has made this hard, is to watch Mike have to go through all of this. I have watched his heart break, and tears fall from his eyes and a sadness that you never want to see your husband have. Along with the fact, that these people were very important to me and were my family as well. I would have never guessed that was what 2010 had in store for us. But through that I have learned that God does have a plan for us.
I also would have NEVER guessed that we would have added another child to our home. I guess that was another one of those surprises God had in store, and a teenager at that. Is it difficult? There are joys and struggles with having a family of any size, and a preteen and a teenager at the same time can definitely make things very interesting. But I know there is a reason and they are such treasures. A teenager deserves as much love and attention as a baby or toddler that is cute and cuddly. They need to be guided and felt loved just like everyone else. Their world is so different than when I was a teenager, and they need guidance like never before. We say we know they will make mistakes just like we as parents and adults sometimes make mistakes, but we are in this together, good, bad and ugly:):). And through it all, God loves us and our children need to learn and have that in their lives as well. I have learned through all of my kids, what God's love it like for us. Sometimes, God even uses them to remind me that He is there and listening to me. Many times, one or the other will come up and give me a hug or a kiss just when I need it most or a little pat on the back or shoulder. Sometimes a little note will be left for me or Mike saying that they love me or think I am pretty. They along with Mike have made me laugh so much also, and I just love that! I have even had it said by one or more, "Thank you mom for adopting me, you saved my life." For a little kid to get that and understand is priceless, then I look at them and think, No, it is me that should be thanking them and most of all, God. See, that is how our God works, He knows when we have had enough, and when we need encouragement and His loving arms to fall into.
I have also experienced wonderful things this year, and some wonderful people that I couldn't imagine our lives without. I guess you can say that we have "found out who our friends are". We have had those that have stuck by us and supported us in ways they will never know. These people have willingly let God use them and we are grateful, from words of encouragement, to prayers, to a listening ear, to making us laugh when we needed it, to surprise gifts. These people will never know what they have done in our lives. We have learned so much from them and are truly grateful.
God is so good and is there no matter what. As I said before, there is a reason and a season for the things in our lives. I love that God loves me enough to be there and care to teach me things and is there "right on time". He has taught what is really important!
I anticipate 2011 and am excited for what God has in store for us. I know He has plans for us, He says so in His word, as long as we seek Him will ALL of our hearts. And that is what I strive to do more of, seek Him with ALL of my heart. Seek the one who loves me and died for me!
Happy New Year!!

Goodbyes

Trials and Triumphs, where do I begin? This has been a pretty hard month for us in the Wolfe household. Probably, well not probably, I know one of the hardest thing that we have had to go through, happened almost a month ago. We received a call one Tuesday night that said that Mike's younger brother had a massive heart attack and was being life flighted to a hospital. We rushed to the hospital (after a very wonderful friend stayed overnight with our kids at our house)to be by his side and his wife's. After being there on and off for 4 days and praying, crying, and praying again, God decided that Mike's brother's life here on earth was over and on April 24, Mike's brother Raymond "PeeWee" died. He was only 33 years old. It was hard to see a wife say goodbye to her husband after only 2 1/2 years, a man say goodbye to his little brother that he shared most of his life with, and a mother say goodbye to her son. Now I have been around death for quite a bit of my life as my father was killed in an car crash (drunk driver hit him) when I was 15, and my mother died (illness) when I was 31, and Mike's father died 9 months after my mom. But, Mike's brother was just like my little brother. I never had a little brother, as I am the youngest of 5. I knew him since Mike and I started dating when I was 19. Everyone knew him as PeeWee. That was a name that Mike gave him when they were kids. PeeWee always followed around behind Mike and his friends from the time he was able to tag along. Mike's friends eventually became PeeWee's friends and a lot of Mike's friends had younger brothers about PeeWee's age. Everyone that knew Mike, knew PeeWee. As he grew up and eventually graduated I came to talk to him more about his everyday life and he shared the goings on in his life with us. I really enjoyed talking to PeeWee when he came by. He was there in the waiting room when Steven was born, and enjoyed being a uncle to Steven. He was there when Mike brought Thomas home from Liberia, and enjoyed him the same as Steven. And he also welcomed Josie home as his new niece. He would always take time to talk with the kids and play video games with them. He always made sure at birthdays and Christmas to always have a gift for each one, no matter how small. He also always made sure to have a gift for Mike and I (I always remember that every Christmas for awhile, he would get me slippers). I also remember the brotherly love shared between him and Mike, or Michael as he always called Mike. When I say brotherly love, I mean it, the good, bad and ugly. They would argue with each other, even into adulthood-LOL. I will admit that Mike, just like an older brother, would aggrevate PeeWee until he got him mad (much of the same way I see two other little boys now-wink,wink). But even though Mike could make him mad, I also seen a little brother think that there wasn't anything his older brother couldn't do. I also seen an older brother who was there when his younger brother needed him, to fix a car, talk about baseball, football or wrestling, or just keep his front door open whenever that little brother came by. I seen and older brother always be a little protective over his younger brother. I remember when PeeWee finally decided to ask Mandy to marry him, he had Mike and I go with him to see what we thought of the ring. He always seemed to want Mike's approval or opinion in some way. After their dad died, I seen Mike take control and make sure the PeeWee and their mom was cared for. You see, PeeWee lived with their mom and took care of her (as she is in a wheelchair from a stroke)after their dad had a stroke and had to go to the nursing home. PeeWee was very dedicated to their parents and made sure they were both cared for. He put his life on hold at times so that their mom would be taken care of. He took her to the nursing home everyday that their dad was in there so that she could spend time with him. He also fixed their meals and took her where she needed to go. Mike and him worked together to care for their parents. Mike would care for the bills and make sure that they had what they needed, and he would go by and check sometimes daily on them and make sure they had what they needed and he would just visit with them. Then PeeWee met Mandy. We are so glad that he did, because she gave him a life that he needed and deserved. He loved her so much and she returned that love. They were married for 2 1/2 years. To short in my opinion, but some people don't even get half the love their whole lives that Mandy and PeeWee shared in the time they were together. Right before they were married, PeeWee found out that he had diabetes. It ended up getting pretty bad and started to affect his eyes and they said probably some of his heart too.
I probably will never understand why all of this happened. I know my dad always used to say that "when it is our time to go, it is our time and there is nothing we can do about it. God knew from the time we were born when we would died and nothing would stop it." I take comfort in that, but it still doesn't make it any easier.
I've seen a different side of Mike in the last month. I have seen him hurt in a way I never have before. I have seen him hurt and know that there is nothing I can do but just be there. I have seen my kids hurt and confused about all of this. One night Steven just cried and cried and asked why this happened. I honestly told him that I didn't understand, and that this would be one of those questions that I would ask God when we got to Heaven. Thomas said that the holidays would never be the same without PeeWee. He is right, I just told Mike at Easter, when PeeWee and Mandy came that I enjoyed them coming so much because I just enjoyed eating with them and talking. I never felt that we had to do anything special, but just be us around them. You see Mandy is so nice and very bubbly, and she is very easy to be around. Mike says that many times he waits to get a phone call from PeeWee, as PeeWee would always call Mike and ask him about ball scores and the kids' sports. Mike says he would ask him every time about ball scores and the kids and their sports. There is a lonely spot in Mike now, a spot that won't be filled. Things will never be the same, but as Mike told his mom when she asked him how they would go on without PeeWee, Mike said, "We will get up each day and make it through the day." And you know, that is what we will do. That's what my mom did when my dad died, what I did when my mom died, what Mike and his brother and mom did when his dad died, so I know that is what we will do now. It won't always be easy, but we have no choice but to do it and hold on to the great memories we have of PeeWee. I also think that saying goodbye to Mandy, as things will never by like they were at the holidays and such, was almost as hard for me. I still see PeeWee in some of the things Steven does, or the way Mike will look sometimes (as you could definitely tell they were brothers). So I guess he will never be completely gone. Afterall, someone like PeeWee will never be far from our hearts!

WOW it has been awhile!

I know that it has been awhile since I posted. Things have been busy and a little up and down. We have had a very trying few months and we are still on the roller coaster. Mike still hasn't found a steady job yet, and is working for a temporary service. It has been very hard on us, but God is getting us through it. Many struggles that we have really only God knows. I see the stress on Mike's face and some days it just breaks my heart. He is currently working very hard and doing what he needs to, to support our family. God has taught us many lessons during this journey. Some of them have taken us a little longer to learn than others. I am not going to paint this beautiful picture of how everything is working out perfectly and we have just been on the same page all of the time. We haven't, it has been one of the hardest things that we have had to do. Some days I find myself on my knees crying wondering when this situation will ever be over, some days we just do what we have to to get through the day, some days I have even said,"God are you there, do you see this". Not one of my finest moments, but a human moment all the same, what is wonderful about God is that even in those moments, he is still right there waiting for me to get over my pity party and jump back into things head first. But then we have those days also, where we know with every ounce of our hearts that we are so much better off than most of the world, where God reminds us that we have 3 awesome children and each other and really along with those things and God that is all we really need. He also reminds me of just how great of a husband I have and just how much Mike loves me and our family. He also reminds us of what he has already gotten us through and tells us that he isn't done with us yet and has so much more to use us for. We have definitely found out who our friends are, and who will truly be there when we need them. Our friends have been awesome as well as our wonderful church family. My sister and brother have been very good supports. My sister sends me encouraging emails and telephone calls and she listens to me when my day (or week) isn't so good. We have had friends loan us a vehicle and friends who have given me rides to work. We have had friends give us gifts at just the right time, and ones to give us prayer just when we needed it. Besides Mike, I have two best friends who I vent to and who offer me encouragement, I don't know what I would have done without them, they are true friends! Mike has had a best friend who has been there and just seemed to know when Mike needed him most. On the good and bad days they are there to listen and to offer support and to remind us that God is in control and is there. Then in those little moments God shows his face more than ever and reminds us that overall, he is in control.
I know that recently we have talked to Thomas' birthfather for Thomas' birthday. I know that during the phone call, he wished Thomas a happy birthday and wished him many more, then something he said really stuck with me and just brought tears to my eyes, he said, "Do good in school and listen to your mom and dad", then he said "you grow up and be a good person". That was his wish for his son. Not to have the next popular gaming system, or to have everything materially in the world, or to go to the most expensive places, or buy him everything he wants, but just to grow up to be a good person. Don't get me wrong, it is OK to want things for your kids and enjoy getting them things and having high expectations for them, but in a world where people are so consumed with everything materially and having the best of everything and putting themselves so far in debt for material things, we really need to remember that the most important thing we can give our kids is raising them to be "good people" and to follow God. His comment will always stick with me and I recorded their conversation so that one day Thomas can have those memories and hear his birthfather's voice, but I will share with Thomas just how those simple words touched my heart. Mike and I will raise Thomas with those words in our heart has well, we will work to raise him and our other children to most importantly follow God daily and to be "a good person". And I thank God for all of the "good people" in my life.

(hopefully it won't be so long until my next post:))