Challenges and Changes

Big title for not posting in awhile. I don't really know if many read this or not, but I still blog if for nothing else for myself. This might be a little longer post than usually since I haven't posted in awhile. We have went through a few changes in the last couple of months, some good and some not.
One of the changes is that our dog of 8 years died. It was unexpected, he got into the trash and ate something that he shouldn't have and we believe he choked on something. He died before we could get him to the vet. It was very sad, as he was our family dog and lived in the house. Steven pretty well grew up with him and he was the first animal Josie and Thomas ever had. We all still miss him, but the kids remember the good times we had with him. I have never been a huge animal lover to the point of being really sad over a pet, but I was sad over Bronson too and still miss him, most of the time:) (don't miss him tearing out the trash, or eating anything in sight, or chasing him b/c he would leave the yard), but all the same we still miss him. But, some very great friends surprised our kids with a new husky puppy. And our cat had 3 kittens (thanks kids for letting her out when we told you not too). But they did get to have a very educational experience watching our cat and new life, thank God she only had 3 (and she is doing very good with them).
Another big shock that we have been dealing with is that Mike's job downsized and they let him go (along with other's there also-one group the Monday before Thanksgiving and the next the Monday after). They let him go the day they were supposed to pay him for the next month (go figure). He was obviously pretty down about it and is looking for a job. It is harder than you think to get a job when he is highly qualified, so lower paying jobs won't hire him b/c he will leave when something higher paying comes up, and those higher paying jobs just aren't there right now, and not a lot of jobs are hiring right now. Have we been getting by? Well, yes, but it has been hard for 5 people living off of my teacher's aide check. God has provided through friends, family and our wonderful church family. I know that God will take care of our needs. He sees that Mike is looking hard and he sees what is needed in our life. The interesting thing is, a few weeks before this happened, Mike prayed and asked God if this is where he wanted Mike to stay then show him, but if he has another plan for Mike and our family, then show him that as well. Well, I believe he answered Mike's question. Mike said that he wished God would have given him a little notice:), but things are what they are, and God will get us through. During this time, our TV also broke (after a month, we should be getting it back-it was still under warrantee by 4 days-another thing that God had his hand on). Most of our children's Christmas gifts were already bought before this happened, so that was a blessing. Are things hard, absolutely, but sometimes God will take you down to nothing just to use you to show everyone exactly how big he is and just what he can do. Although some days are much more frustrating than others, we still wake up each day and thank God for what we have. We have been blessed so much. I look at our children and know the blessing each of them are. Their qualities are so different, but so special. They learn so much from each other and we learn a lot from them too. Our life may look a little chaotic at times if you see us:), but I could never imagine our life without the chaos, and I wouldn't want it. Each ones has added so much and is so special. I love each so much. Are there hard days? Are you kidding me, of course we have hard days, very hard days, but usually God shows me something in those hard days, something I wouldn't have seen or learned if the day had been easy. My heart is different b/c of my kids, different in a good way. When those arms go around my neck or a kiss goes on my cheek, or a picture or "project" is made just for me, my heart melts just a little more, b/c then I see into their heart. Is their heart hurt or broken at times? Absolutely. My kids have had heartache, all three of them. Some in different ways than others, but each has had heartache, but those heartaches along with the love they get from us and each other and most of all God, will make them into the people God wants them to be, the people he has planned all along for them to be. I know that our two youngest have had their whole world crumble around them and have absolutely no control over it. They have seen things, I couldn't even imagine and had no choice but to continue living, broken pieces and all. Most people don't take the time to think about where they came from, not just Liberia, but their struggles and heartaches. Our oldest has had heartaches too, not the same life starting out as our younger ones, but he has seen what death can do and how life is not just about him or what his wants are, it is about helping others and doing what God wants us to do. Is that easy, not all the time, in fact it can be the hardest thing you have ever had to do? Is it worth it, absolutely. Sometimes it is discouraging (like my husband losing his job), but I have to keep moving on and knowing that God has a plan, it may not be easy, but if I follow him, he will get us where he wants us. It may not look the way we thought it would, but it will be so much better than we could have imagined ourselves.
I say all of this because we couldn't live life without challenges and change. Change is going to happen, or we would never grow, and we would miss out on so much. Change is by no means easy, but with God's help you will get through it. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who loves me more than I could dream of. He loves me despite my many shortcomings, and sticks with me through thick and thin. I have been blessed with great kids ( most of the time-LOL), and God uses them to sure teach us a lot. A lot about ourselves and God's love for us. I have a great family, absolutely wonderful friends, and an awesome church family.
I hope that some of our current challenges will be conquered very soon. Then I realized once it is over, new challenges await:). I am working hard to have my time each day with God, b/c if I don't things become so much harder. The new year will bring another set of Challenges and Changes, but I would hate to miss out of them.





































































































































































































Good news, some very good friends knew what happened with our dog and felt very sorry for the kids and asked if they could get the kids another dog. It was not supposed to come until Christmas, but within a few days of losing our other dog, they found a Siberian Husky puppy and wanted to get it for our kids. Now you must know, Steven has wanted a Husky for many years. That was usually on the top of his Christmas list every year, so when they surprised the kids with the puppy, you can only imagine their response. There was many smiles and even a few tears of joy.


All three of the kids have truly enjoyed the puppy. The even take her out to use the bathroom (most of the time)! She is adorable. Yes, yes, I know that the puppy stage will end and she will grow. I am happy when the whining at night is over and she is fully potty trained, but we will enjoy the puppy stage while we have it, then enjoy the big dog stage when it gets here too. We will also get a brush, b/c I know that there will be lots of time that we will be brushing her too.
Then, we got some pretty bad news the week after Thanksgiving, Mike's job downsized and they let him and others go. One group was before Thanksgiving, and one group was after (the day before he was supposed to get paid). Mike was contracted with this company, so he wasn't eligible for unemployment. So as of right now, we are living on my pay (which I am a teacher's aide). God provided wonderful friends and our awesome church family to help us through this time and my wonderful sister. We didn't tell a lot of people about this, as this is something that isn't the most happy of times. But, I have felt that we are going through this for a reason, and one of those reasons is to show others just exactly what God can do.

Last Year At This Time...

Last year at this time I was flying over the ocean going on the biggest journey of my life. The journey to get our little girl. I know I was terrified as turbulence hit while flying over that ocean. I did a lot of praying, and as he had promised God got me through it, the airports, checkpoints and eventually to Liberia where the best gift of all was waiting for me. I will never forget as long as I live the moment that she walked around the corner of the dining room at the guesthouse. I seen those big brown eyes that captured my heart many months before and they never let go. I looked at Josie many times today and thought, oh how this year has flown by. It seems like she has always been with me. As I hold her today (she has a double ear infection:( ), I rubbed my finger on her cheeks and across the bridge of her nose and I think of how blessed I am to have her, and our two sons for that matter. Josie is part of my heart, a part that I didn't know was missing until I seen her picture, a part of my heart that I was searching for for so long, a part of my heart that was filled a year ago tomorrow. I thank God for her everyday and that I was so blessed for him to have chosen me to be her mommy! We love you Josie, my beautiful baby girl!

It's Been Awhile

Well, I know that it has been awhile since I last posted. I must confess that I post quite a bit on Facebook. I have just found that with the kids and going back to work, that just a quick post is a lot easier than logging in and thinking of a new blog. Since I last posted, we have started back to school. Josie has started school, and can I say, she absolutely loves it. Thomas is really liking school too. His teacher and class are great and he actually enjoys going to school. He actually comes home and wants to play school. He is working very hard and it shows. Steven is the same as always, liking school and reading, reading, reading:). I am back to school and have to admit that I like the routine. Now, I need to tell myself that of a morning, but I really like having the routine. I also love the group of people that I work with, and I know that that makes things a lot easier. I am very grateful for my job.
Steven has started football. He didn't really like it much at first, but once he got going he has liked it a lot better. Mike is one of his coaches, so I know that he enjoys that. His team is in first place.
Thomas has started soccer again. He is doing well and enjoying playing again. He has also been doing a lot of playing in the yard. Most of the summer consisted of him putting on a baseball uniform and playing his own game of baseball in the front yard (homemade dugout and consession stand and all). He loves to play outside.
Josie is just flurishing in school. She is so eager to learn and loves her teacher. Her teacher said that she is one of her best students.
We have made one major change in the last few months. We have started to attend another church. This was not an easy decision, but one the God has stood beside us and helped us through. We were invited to a church a few months ago by a friend. One day at the end of July, we decided that we would visit. Well, one Sunday led into the next Sunday and so on. They have been so welcoming and we just feel like one of the family there. It was hard to leave a church that I have attended for most all of my life. Many people there knew my parents and knew me when I was little, but I felt that God was leading us somewhere else. I see such a difference in our family and in myself. What I also love about this church is they are so supportive to fostering and adopting. They understand the call to adopt and they welcome our kids with open arms. Though our other church will always hold a special place in our hearts, God has taught me that he wants us where he does for a reason, and I trust him that he will guide us right where he wants us. I have learned a lot since my trip to Liberia last year. I have learned more about trusting God and stepping out of my comfort zone, because when you do, he has so many great things planned for you.

You will notice quite a few pictures. Some are of the kids on their first day of school (the boys started a few days before Josie). Then you can see the boys plays their sports and then a couple of our vacation to Kings Island before school started. Hope you enjoy seeing the pictures as much as I enjoyed taking them.

New Pictures

Well, I got back the pictures that my brother took of the kids a few weeks ago. They turned out very good and have already ordered mine (yes Pam, I am sending some home with Micheal for you:)). There is also a couple of my nephew who is visiting with his girlfriend from Florida. I haven't seen him in 2+ years (way too long). I sure have missed him. I would have liked it if everyone else in his family could have come too, but we will take what we can get:) It has been so nice to visit with him and spend time with him and meet his girlfriend. He had never met Thomas and Josie before, but they have sure enjoyed him being here. They all acted like they had been together all of their lives, but I guess that is what family does, no matter how many miles separate us, once you are back together it was like you just pick up where you left off (I just wish that there were a little less miles between us).

Judge Not

Those are strong words, but a command given by God. I have thought a lot about those two words lately and how easily it is to do the opposite and in fact judge others. In two recent situations, I have had the opportunity to be the person on the "outside looking in". Now, it is very easy to judge and say that "I wouldn't do that", or "I can't believe that they would do such a thing". Have I ever judged someone, well I am human so I would have to say yes, but was it wrong, again I would have to say yes. God has laid upon my heart lately not to be so judgemental with others. I have been on the other end and have been judged before and it is not fun at all, in fact it is a pretty lonely place. God did not intend for us to be the judge or the jury, he just intended for us to be him to those people that need it. Being judged is a lonely and scary place to be, but it is also a place where that person so much needs God and Godly people. You don't have to agree with what the person did necessarily, but to turn your back entirely is not what God wants either. He wants us to reach out our hand and be him to those people. Whether they did right or wrong is God's job not ours'. Judging them doesn't make God happy, just remember how you felt when other's have judged you. God is the judge not us!

Father's Day

First of all, Happy Father's Day!! I want to especially thank my Heavenly Father for his love and acceptance of me. I also want to say how blessed I was to have a wonderful earthly father. He truly showed me what it was to have a wonderful father and showed me what a real dad was and showed me what to demand in a father for my children. He loved us and put us way before himself. He showed us what hard work and love was for your family. He provided for us even when our mom and him had to do without. I know now how lucky and blessed we were to have him, even if it was for just a short while, the lessons I learned and the time he spent with me will be with me the rest of my life.
Now for my husband, the father of our children. I really couldn't ask for a better man. He has given so much of himself for our family. He has went without, just so our children could have what they needed and a lot of what they wanted:). He has sacrificed so that our children could even have a life, period. He has taught them that his love is there no matter what. He volunteers as coaches, in their school, he takes time to go places with us and play games with them. In fact, he had the opportunity to go to the Cincinnati Reds games and pregames festivities this past Saturday. The ticket was free and he would have had an awesome seat. He tried to get at least 3 tickets (one for him and our two boys--I would have liked to went, but as long as they went that was what was important). Well, all he could get was 2 and he told them that he couldn't unless there were at least 3 so both boys could go, he said that he couldn't take one without the other and he wouldn't go without them. Now, what kind of dad would do that and stay home so he could coach his son's baseball team? Not a lot, and this isn't the first time he passed up a wonderful opportunity with pro. athletes (that he would have loved) to be with his children--whom he loves much more! I told him that little things like that will come back to him one day:). This is just one of the things that he does to show how much he loves us. He spends all of his nonworking time with us. God did bless me with a wonderful husband and father for our children. I just want to tell my husband thanks for everything that he does for our family. Being a good father is not always easy, but you never give up, we know that we are always your top priority! Happy Father's Day, thanks for being a great dad to our kids!

A Day At The Pool

Well, we went to the pool today. It was just too nice of a day to stay in, so we went to the pool. This was our second trip, but our first with warmer temps. and also batteries in the camera. Josie just loved the pool, she jumped in, went under and loved being in the water. Thomas is already a little fish, he loves the water too, he still loves to play with mom in the pool. Steven has always loved the water, but now I have noticed that time with mom is a little shorter than before, friends are now cool to play with at the pool, but mom always has an eye out for where he is and who he is hanging out with. Here are a few pictures of our time at the pool. You can see in the pictures of the kids getting ready to go, Steven isn't as excited as the other two are about getting pictures, but he still enjoys it every now and then. You can see Thomas wrapped up in the towel by the food stand (his favorite place), Steven with his friends, and Josie just having fun(she also looks so cute with all of her swimming stuff).

Happy 2 Year Gotcha Day Thomas!

Well it is hard to believe that it has been 2 years today that Thomas has come home to us! But, the more I think about it, I can't remember what our life was like without him, it just seems like he has always been here. You have grown in so many ways Thomas, size wise, maturity and your love. I remember a boy who wouldn't talk for 2 days, now we can't get you to stop talking:). I can't even imagine the journey that you have been through Thomas, and I look up to you. I gave you a yellow bracelet not to long ago that said strength on it. I told you that it just reminded me of you. Not only are you physically strong, but emotionally to go through what you have in your short life, you are one of the strongest people I know. God gave you to us and knew from the moment your life began that we were to be your parents. May 29 will always be a wonderful day for us, it was the day my baby came home!! Happy 2 Year Gotcha Day my baby boy!
(You can see in pictures from his homecoming how much he has grown, the last picture was taken yesterday--he has gotten big and even more handsome each day)

Happy Birthday Josie!!!

Well, today was Josie's birthday. She has been excited about it for sometime and was so releaved to find out that today was her birthday and her party. She even told Mike to tell her Happy Birthday yesterday! She had a great party and really enjoyed everything she got. She was so polite and thanked everyone for everything. We got her a Dora bike and helmet. It was kind of sad because when we gave her her first present, she didn't really know what to do with it, I had to tell her to unwrap it and show her how. But once she got started, she enjoyed finishing. Her birthmother also called me today to wish her a Happy Birthday. She told me to tell Josie that she loved her and Happy Birthday! Then, she thanked me and she told me to thank my husband. I told her that we love Josie so much and she is such a special little girl. When she thanked me, I could feel myself tear up, b/c I know that she was thanking us for adopting Josie, and she knows that she has a good life here and that is what she wanted for Josie, that is what we all want for Josie!
Here is my birthday letter to Josie.

Dear Josie,
Happy Birthday my sweet, sweet baby girl! You have waited for this day for awhile now and it has finally arrived. I have to admit, I was kind of sad to see you turn 5, because I like saying that I have a 4 year old. But, now I am proud and happy to say that I now have a 5 year old. You are such an amazing gift from God. I see where you were a year ago today, and I had to relay a happy birthday message through someone else. A year ago, God had just let us know that you were part of our lives. A year ago, I thought about holding you and loving you and giving you a big birthday party, and today it is a reality. I held you today and wished you a Happy Birthday and gave you your birthday party that you so deserved. God has a plan for you, you are a wonderful, amazing gift and I thank him for you each day. Like I have always said, 5 years ago today, you were born in my heart and God made a special place for you there that no one but you could fill, just like he made a special place for you brothers too, and the day that I held you in my arms, that hole was filled. I am happy to think of the many more birthdays that we will spend together. Just know that as we celebrate here, your other mother in Liberia does think of you too on this day. She wanted better for you and she knows that you are loved and cared for. You have parents here and across the ocean that love you more than you will ever know. I just want you to know how special you are and that we love you SO much. Words can't describe the love I feel when I look at you, only a parent knows that feeling. I want to take this time and wish you a Very Happy Birthday. I don't know who enjoyed the day more, you or me watching you enjoy it.
We love you Josephine!
(The pictures are of Josie posing in her new sunglasses, also of Josie with my brother, sister-in-law and niece, also another picture is of Josie looking at her cake--Dora of course)
Love,
Mommy

Milestones

Well, as you can tell we have hit a milestone, Josie has lost her first tooth. I was so happy to get to share that with her. She was so proud that she lost her tooth. For about 2 weeks now we have heard from her that her "tooth is shaking", that is her version of her tooth is loose. She asked Mike over and over to take it out, but it was never quite ready to get out. Last night it was finally ready to take out. She was very brave and didn't cry at all. We explained the "tooth fairy" to her and she was excited this morning to awaken to $1 from the "toot fairy" as she calls her. It is just so cute to see her grow and change and I feel so blessed to be a part of that. There are times I think about the milestones that I have missed, but I am so happy at the ones that I share now with her and will in the future. I do think about her mother in Liberia and how she is missing all of these wonderful things. I spoke with her one the phone the other day, she just told me to tell Josephine that she loved her. I told her that I could sure do that. I tell Josephine that she has two mommys that love her very much and want the best for her, one of those mommys is me and the other one is in Liberia and loved her so much she wanted her to be safe and have a better life. So with these pictures that I show, I will also be sending them to Liberia to her other mother in Africa, so that she can share these milestones with us.

More of Him

We went to revival tonight at our church. I was so happy to have went, the message was very good. It was about wanting more of God himself, not more of what he can give. The evangelist talked about grandkids being excited when he would come to visit because they always new that he would bring a surprise with him and they would want to carry his bags so that they could see the surprise. He also said that when he would come back from a trip, his wife would always be standing at the door when he pulling in the garage, just waiting for him to come home, and so excited to see him because she missed him. He said that he would be very sad if she was just happy to see him to see what he brought for her. He pointed out that our relationship with God is a bit like the first part of his story. We are running to God or waiting on our relationship with him and excited because of "what he can do for us", instead we should be wanting more of God and not so much of what he can give us. I thought about that, and I will admit I have ran to God and been there to see what he can give or do for us. He is wonderful and loves doing things for us, but he wants that relationship with him to be what we crave, not what we can get. The preacher also talked about loving God so much that you just know that God will provide what we need just when we need it. That really spoke to my heart. I have been worrying lately about different things and how different things will turn out, but I have learned that God will take care of things and already know what I need before I need it. God wants us to love him so much that we just know he will take care of us. That is not to say that we won't go through hard times, that just means that God will carry us and provide what we need, even if that is just strength to get through the situation. God has always gotten me through my situations and has provided what I need, and I am confident in know that God will continue. I want more of Him, as the preacher said, not "more of what is in God's suitcase."

Don't Give Up

It has been a long night and day! Thomas has been sick for a couple of days. He has woke up at night complaining of horrible stomach cramps. The dr. had him get check and stomach x-rays, which thank God showed nothing, so we are thinking it may be a virus. Then, last night Josie woke up at about 12:30a.m. and said that her stomach was hurt, which eventually led to her throwing up 3 different times throughout the night. So, to say the least we haven't been getting very much sleep at night. She seems to be a little better, but everyone is very tired tonight. Then on the way to work this afternoon Mike ran over a bungy cord and it got caught in the truck tire and also hit our tail light and broke it along with giving us a flat tire (not to mention is was very cold out and Mike didn't take a coat with him). So we are all ready for a new day, but I did tell Mike that at least he came home to a warm home and to a family that loves him. So, that has been the last couple of days for us, hopefully the rest of Spring Break will be better.
The title of this blog just really spoke to me. On Sunday the preacher spoke about not giving up. What really caught me was when he said that God NEVER gave up on us. Even when the devil was tempting Jesus, especially on the cross which some believe was the greatest temptation to give up, he didn't. Even when he all the reasons in the world to give up on us humans, he didn't. He suffered the ultimate sacrifice for us, even when we didn't even come close to deserving it. Then, the preacher said, we should never give up on God. When things don't go according to our plan, or our timeline, we shouldn't give up on God, because He didn't give up on us, as he does know best. That really hit home. We all go through things, and some really hard and bad things at that. There are times when some of us just feel that we are done and we aren't even going to try anymore, because why, it doesn't seem to be helping at all. I am not going to pretend that I haven't been there, b/c I have, but that message just reminded me to never give up. After all God did for me, there is no excuse to give up on Him. God knows our future and he sees our true heart, and what he does, he does because he loves us. When I think about what Jesus endured for me, and the torture he put upon himself and didn't choose to take the easy way out, I have no excuse to give up or question him. When I think about
God giving his one and only son up for us, I am overwhelmed and in ah with his love for us. When he asks me to do something, I have to know that he knows what's best. I think of what he went through and what he watched his son go through, people making fun of him, laughing at him, beating him, spitting on him, his own people denying him, it makes me sick and sad. But happiness overcomes me also, that my God loves me that much. I know when he asked me to go to Africa I was always questioning if it was what he really wanted me to do. People laughed at me when I told them that I felt that God wanted me to go, some to my face and some behind my back. I was yelled at and made fun of at times. Many gave disapproving looks, questioned what in the world I was doing, couldn't believe that God had wanted me to do this and many didn't really believe that I felt God calling me. But, I knew that deep down in my heart that it was exactly what he was wanting me to do. I didn't even come close to going through what Jesus did, but it sure helped me to understand him better. It showed me that He knew what was best and that he knew the future and that as crazy as life and people for that matter get, he doesn't want us to give up. He doesn't want us to give up even when we don't know the future or why we are going through what we are, but all that matters is that he knows that future and why we are going through what we are. He doesn't want us to give up, afterall, He NEVER gave up on US.

It's All Worth It

Oh how that title is true! It truly is ALL worth it. I had my little girl with me today in the grocery store, or "market" as she calls it. She got a little restless for a little bit and wasn't real happy that she had to sit in the cart, but as we went on, she got over that and she was happy again. Then, she had gotten in my purse and I looked at her and she had her shoes off and her pant legs rolled up and she was rubbing lotion all over herself. She looked at me and said, "I dry", all I could do was smile and laugh at her and just let her go on and continue to rub the lotion on herself. She was just so sweet sitting there doing that. Then, when we paid for everything and went to the truck, I got her out of the cart to put her in her carseat and she hugged me with everything she had in her and she kissed me and said, "I love you so much mommy and I love being with you." At that point, all I could do was smile. God knew that was just what I needed to hear. It doesn't matter all of the sacrifices we had to make to get her here, or the ones that we continue to make because we are still paying what we borrowed, because those words were priceless. When I think about what her life could still be in Liberia, and how she could be hungry and suffering right now, not to mention what her future could have been there, there is NO sacrifice to big for her or for any of my children for that fact. I was talking to my brother tonight about this and he said, that it won't matter what type of house I have or didn't have or car we drove or didn't drive, but that when I am older and Josie is an adult, just to know that she had a better life and that she was loved with all of our hearts is what will matter. We have made sacrifices over the past couple of years, (as I know others have as well) so that we could get our children and bring them home. Some people will never know or understand our decisions, some will always criticize, and I say that I am sad that they have not experienced this kind of love. Love that you sacrifice anything for, because all the sacrifices that we have made for each of our children have been "all worth it". Just the way God feels about us! WOW, I love the way that our God just slides those lessons into our lives in the quietest of ways:). Thank you God for sacrificing for me!

God Reminds Me

Well, it has been a busy week. The boys have had 2 soccer games so far (Thomas scored 3 goals tonight, and Steven was goalie and did not allow any goals to score tonigh--:)). I also took Josie for her Kindergarten registration tonight. My baby girl will be a big Kindergartener come the end of August. Thomas also got citizen of the month today, I was so proud of him as he has been working so hard. Josie is so excited about going to school, I know she will love it, if only she can wait until August (she has already told me that she wants a Dora backpack:)). But with the excitement of that, a bit of saddness creeps in b/c Steven will be a 5th grader and goes to a new school next year. I will miss him so much.
With all of the activities going on, things get a little hectic and at times everyone is going every direction. Well, the other day the kids were having a hard time listening, mostly the two older ones and it had been a long day and I just thought, why can't they just listen. I thought I love them so much, why can't they just listen to me and do what I ask, I know what is best for them. Well, bedtime came and when I knelt by my bed at night to pray, God really hit me over the head when I was praying. I felt him saying, "you know Andrea, I feel the same way about you sometimes, why don't you just listen to me all of the time, I know what is best for you and I love you more than you will ever know". I just stopped and thought about that for a minute, I do the same thing to God sometimes. I don't listen sometimes, even when he is right in my face telling me something, I just seem to not listen and continue arguing or ignoring him. But, just like a mom is with her children, God is the same with me. He still loves me and is there when I have discovered that He was right all along. He is there to hear I'm sorry and to pick me up when I have fallen. Just like a mother (and father) are there for their children, God is there for all of us, even when we don't always listen the first time.

They Really Do Listen

I had to share something funny that happened today. To start with, when Thomas is doing is school work and gets frustrated, I always tell him to just calm down and take a breather, especially when he is trying to spell his spelling words.
Well, Thomas' teacher was talking to me today and she said that last week, he was taking his spelling test and she noticed that he messed up on a word and was erasing it and was starting to get stressed. Then, without him know that she was listening, she said that she seen him stop and take a breather and say to himself,"mom says to calm down and take a breather." He did just that and got a perfect on his spelling test. When she told me that I have to admit I stood just a little taller and smiled with pride, that yes he does hear me when I talk. Isn't funny how something so small can just make your day? It sure did mine.

Our Children

Well, Mike and I got another set of pictures and letters sent out for our childrens' families in Liberia. A friend of ours is going over for a crusade in a couple of weeks. As I was getting the pictures ready and writing the letters, many things came over me. I looked at the pictures I was sending and just thought, "What will their birth parents think when they see these pictures?" I wonder if they can see how happy the children are, or that they are being well cared for, or most of all, if they can tell just how much we love them? I really think that they do. I know that our son's birthfather knows that we love Thomas very much (as we have had contact with him in the year and a half that we have had Thomas). I also know that he appreciates when we send pictures. I try to send them whenever I know of someone going over. I know that many people think that it is a little odd that we have an "open adoption" with our children's birth family in Africa, but it works for us. I mean that is the least that I can do is to send pictures to let them see that our child is doing well, that they are smiling, healthy, safe and loved. Maybe by sending these pictures it will ease that ache in their heart that I am sure is always there, it may help to reassure them that they did the right thing. Their is a special feeling in our hearts for our children's birth families. I was very fortunate that I was able to meet and spend time with both of our childrens' birth families. When I seen them it was like we held a special bond that was between us that no one else had. Almost like an unspoken connection. I seen Thomas' father look at his pictures and smile at how he was growing, but also a saddness to what he is missing. I also seen Josephine's birth mom hold her and pray for her before she let go, she prayed that God would keep her safe from any harm. I seen her look at her and know that this is what she truly wanted for Josephine, but also the saddness that any mother would feel in this situation. I seen two parents be so brave to put their own feelings aside to put their child's well-being and safety first. Two parents who sacrificed so that their children would not want for food, education, safety and health and have a chance at life. With that being said, how could I not keep in contact to let them know that the choice they made was right. I truly feel that these parents are part of our family. When I seen Thomas' birth father, I couldn't shake hands with him, I hugged him (just as I did with Josephine's birth mother), because a bond for a little child joined us together as family. A bond God wove together. I feel that we are picking up where these parents left off. We have an unspoken bond that only parents can have. Granted not everyone can have this with their children's birth family, as I know situations are different, but I feel very blessed to have this with both of our children's families. We are very open with our children and teach them to love and respect their birth families, as they gave a great sacrifice. When I write the letters, there is so much I want to say, from how well our child is doing to thank you for the sacrifice, to our child will always know what you gave up for them and why. I will always do my best to keep this contact as I feel that it is not only best for our children but also good for all involved. I try to put myself in their shoes and just to see some pictures or hear how the child is doing, would put my heart at some ease and that is the least I can do. I don't see our child as mine or theirs, I see our children as just that, "Our Children" (all of us together).

Happy 9th Birthday Thomas

Well, we have had a busy day celebrating Thomas' 9th Birthday. He has been so excited for this day to come. Ever since Steven's birthday last month all he has talked about is having his own birthday party and who he was inviting. Even at school yesterday, he was so excited to pass out cupcakes for his birthday. He asked us yesterday on the way home if any of us were going to tell him happy birthday yesterday and we laughed and told him that his birthday was the 7th not the 6th, he just said,"Oh, OK." We went to breakfast today and then had his party this evening. He was so proud and excited for his birthday. Someone told me yesterday at school that they have never seen a child get so excited for their birthday before. Then, I thought to myself, that is because he has a lot of birthday to make up for, ones where there was no celebrating, but only the words, Happy Birthday.

Dear Thomas,
Wow, my baby boy is 9 years old. You are growing up so fast on me. You are so excited for each birthday, but I have such mixed emotions. I am happy to be celebrating your birthday with you, but sad that you are now another year older and growing up on me. I also can't help to think about the birthdays that I missed. The ones where there wasn't a party, or a present but just the words Happy Birthday. I think of how you have grown since you have been here and the many changes you have went through. You are my "baby boy", and your dad and I love you so much. I see a beautiful boy growing up so nice and trying so hard. I see the excitement in just the simple things that you do or things people say to you. I see things that many take for granted, but you embrace so and hold on so tight to so that you enjoy each moment. Deep down, I know you remember what it was like to do without, that is why you enjoy things so much. I see so many things in your future and everything that you have going for you. You have so many talents you aren't even aware of yet, you are so special. I truly love being your mommy, and I know that you love being my son. I love the simple looks that you give, or that wonderful smile that you have that shows from ear to ear. I also love the tenderness in your heart when you are helping others, especially when others may not quite expect it. You make me proud! I may not have been there on the day you were born, but please trust me when I say that on that day, you were born in my heart. God knew that I would be your mommy one day, and he knew exactly when that day would be. I thank God for you Thomas each day and the fact that he has blessed me with the honor of being your mommy! I love you and Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Missing Mom

Well, as you can tell from the title it has been one of those days. But, the more I think of it, it has been a little more than that. I believe that it is just one of those times where I just truly miss my mom. Don't get me wrong, I miss my mom all of the time, but trust me when I say that when your parents have died, you find that you miss them more at some times than others. Well, lately, I have sure missed mine. My mom and I were very close and we pretty well knew what the other was thinking. My mom knew me very well and could tell when something was bothering me, or when I just needed to blow off steam, or needed to let some tears fall, she was always there. We shared many conversations and would talk about simple things to very indepth things. I loved our talks, and I valued her opinion as well as her criticisms:). She always said that if you don't want my opinion or advice then don't ask. She would never really interfere or give an opinion unless she was asked. I sure miss those opinions and her guidance. She knew when I needed to be told the truth even if I really didn't want to hear it, but she also knew when I needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I knew I could always depend on mom (and she told me she felt them same about me). She was one of my two best friends (Mike being the other). She was the strongest woman that I know, she never gave up no matter how bad things got. Many have no idea some of the things my mom went through, but she still kept on going. She was always there for us kids no matter what, and we always knew that. She was the glue that held us together. I would sure like to share different things that have happened in my life recently. I hate it that my two youngest never got to meet her. I would love to ask her opinion on different things, or have a laugh with her. I hate it that she never got to see me go to Africa and back, I know as much as it would have scared her to see me go, she would have been so proud that I did go and did it by myself (I know that she would have said, "I knew you could do it all along"). I know that she would be proud of me, but I would just love to have her here to hear her say it. I miss our talks, her wonderful sense of humor, her sarcasm (I get it honest), her hugs, her advice and her confidence. I guess the best way to say it is, I just miss my mom.
Go hug your mom today, or just give her a call and talk, trust me, you'll miss it when you can't do it anymore.

"True Love"

Well, I am not for sure if anyone really reads my blog, but I have come to the conclusion that if for anyone, I write it for me. I write it to remember feelings, situations and maybe one day so our children can read it and know what was happening in our lives.

To most people love means mushy, gushy, funny feelings that you get when you look at someone or think about that special someone. I have seen many people walk away from each other because that funny feeling in their stomach just wasn't there anymore and the work became to hard. Well, after 13 years I find out what “true love” means more and more each day. True love isn’t hanging out and being there when things are going great and everything is going our way. It’s not having our own way and having everything we dreamed of when we want it. It isn’t just working hard and enjoying what we think we’ve earned or deserve. I am learning slowly but surely what true love is. What I have learned and am continuing to learn is that “true love” is something that is tested many times in a marriage (just to see if you are in it for the long haul). I have learned that “true love” loves you even when you don’t look to good or in fact look terrible, which in fact I have a few times. “True Love” is just being there for the other person when that person watches a parent fail and ultimately die. “True Love” is there for each other when dreams fall apart and disappear and new ones are created. “True Love” doesn’t expect perfection but takes you for who you are and stills love you. “True Love” holds your hand when you are near, but holds your heart when miles separate us. “True Love” puts your trust in the other person even if they don’t completely understand. “True Love” loves you when you are not so lovable. “True Love” gives you hope when no hope seems to be anywhere around. “True Love” is there when you’ve cried the last tear you have, and tries to make you smile. “True Love” stays when it would have been much easier to walk away. “True Love” loves you when love (and God) are all you have. “True Love” tells you what you need to hear sometimes, even when you don’t necessarily what to hear it. “True Love” also picks up the slack when you just don’t feel like you can go on. But, with all of this that “True Love” does, it doesn’t leave the other behind or it doesn’t give up.
I am experiencing and have experienced "True Love". My husband of almost 13 years is my "True Love". We are not perfect, and we continue to learn each day. Love is work, but it is worth all of the effort. Sure there are days when we get on each other's nerves, but we try to hang on. There have been stressors in our lives just like anyone else's, parents, children, losses, struggles, etc. I could go on, but we have also experience the most wonderful joys together. Mike makes me laugh so hard sometimes, he picks me up when I am at my lowest. We have helped each other to care for our parents and to help each other deal with their deaths. We have lost dreams, but we worked together to create new ones, and thank God we did.
Now a days many people just walk away because love is just to hard and things don't go as planned. "True Love" is hard work, but well worth it!
Happy Valentines Day Mike!

High/Low Thursday

Well I seen this on someone else's site and thought I would try it. You just tell you highs and lows for the week at this time. Just a side note, I fixed it to where anyone can leave a comment even if they aren't signed up as a blogger. I love to hear from people just at least to know that people are reading my blog. Also, feel free to ask me questions that you might have, questions about our family, adoption, culturally mixed family, and I will try to answer them.

Here it goes:

HIGHS:

1. Thomas' wonderful dr.'s report this week that the lump on his groin was Cat Scratch Fever and nothing worse. (It was a long week, but God was with us).
2. We are all healthy and have a warm place to live.
3. Getting to celebrate our oldest son's 10th birthday.

LOWS:
1. Dealing with a 10 year old's growing pains:):)
2. When we thought that Thomas has something much more serious.
3. Dealing with the stress of everything.


Hope to hear from some of you.

Happy 10th Birthday Steven!

Well, it is Steven's 10th Birthday today. Wow 10 years has flown by fast! I can remember just like it was yesterday that I was carrying him home from the hospital. I tell him every year on this birthday about the day he was born. My mom always did that to me and I loved it. You would never know it to look at him now, but he was a little baby 6 lbs. 9 ounces. We always called him bird legs. But boy look at him know, he is almost as tall as me. He was excited b/c today he got to pick everything that he would get for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We have heard for a week (numerous times during those days) just what he was having:) Breakfast--Bacon, egg and cheese bagel from McDonald's, lunch--bologna and cheese sandwich, and for supper--chicken and noodles, mashed potatoes, corn and cole slaw. We also surprised him with a cookie cake and a couple of presents. We are having his party on Saturday, so everyone else will come then. I think that he loved the whole day. I know that I have thought back to many memories that we have made over the last 10 years and think about how my boy has grown in many ways.
I got this idea from someone else's blog. It is a letter to Steven on his birthday.

Dear Steven,
Wow, where has 10 years gone? You are no longer in the single digits, it is doubles the rest of the way. I think of the moment we found out I was pregnant for you and how excited we were. Then when you actually came into the world (I did think sometimes that I would be carrying you around inside of me until you were 10--LOL), I knew that the love I had for you was not like anything I had ever felt before (but I felt that really before you were born). I knew when I seen you were everything I had dreamed of and more. You were such a wonderful baby. Then later the 2 and 3 year olds crept in and I don't know if wonderful would be a word that always described your actions--LOL (ex. coloring on the walls, potty training, climbing everywhere), but that smile seemed to get you out of a lot of trouble. Then, a couple of years later off to school you went and my eyes were filled with tears. You have seen many things in your 10 years. You have at to experience things like hospitals and nursing home and even death that most kids experience only as adults, and you would just "go with the flow". I will never forget you at Ohio State Hospital going to Grandma's room by yourself. I guess it was dad and I that was lost huh? You have always been a smart boy (sometimes to smart for your own good--LOL)and we are so proud of your academics, you have really shown a lot of maturity with your school work. You have also become a big brother in two little siblings in a pretty short time and you have embraced that pretty well. Sometimes, I know that the adjustment has been more yours than anyone's, but each time you have welcomed them with open arms and always excitedly asked when you could have more brothers and sisters. You have a tender heart and that shines through. You have your moments like any child, and growing pains creep in. I love when we sit or drive and talk about different things that are going on, and how you laugh at the silliest things. You have such a wonderful sense of humor! You are also so kind and gentle to help the people at the nursing home and your grandma. I never hear you complain when we go to see her.
I know that the next 10 years will be fun, exciting, and yet challenging and at times heartbreaking, but you are one of a kind. If you keep God in your heart and your mind there are numerous possibilities out there for you. He has great plans for you (you know I can still see you in the secret service one day, or in a political type job--You are my Jack Bauer--LOL). Remember I am always here for you and always will be. You are a great son and I love you. Happy 10th Birthday my AFC!! You are one of our three gifts from God!
Love,
Mom
P.S. I do have baby pictures, they just aren't on disk yet!!