Goodbyes

Trials and Triumphs, where do I begin? This has been a pretty hard month for us in the Wolfe household. Probably, well not probably, I know one of the hardest thing that we have had to go through, happened almost a month ago. We received a call one Tuesday night that said that Mike's younger brother had a massive heart attack and was being life flighted to a hospital. We rushed to the hospital (after a very wonderful friend stayed overnight with our kids at our house)to be by his side and his wife's. After being there on and off for 4 days and praying, crying, and praying again, God decided that Mike's brother's life here on earth was over and on April 24, Mike's brother Raymond "PeeWee" died. He was only 33 years old. It was hard to see a wife say goodbye to her husband after only 2 1/2 years, a man say goodbye to his little brother that he shared most of his life with, and a mother say goodbye to her son. Now I have been around death for quite a bit of my life as my father was killed in an car crash (drunk driver hit him) when I was 15, and my mother died (illness) when I was 31, and Mike's father died 9 months after my mom. But, Mike's brother was just like my little brother. I never had a little brother, as I am the youngest of 5. I knew him since Mike and I started dating when I was 19. Everyone knew him as PeeWee. That was a name that Mike gave him when they were kids. PeeWee always followed around behind Mike and his friends from the time he was able to tag along. Mike's friends eventually became PeeWee's friends and a lot of Mike's friends had younger brothers about PeeWee's age. Everyone that knew Mike, knew PeeWee. As he grew up and eventually graduated I came to talk to him more about his everyday life and he shared the goings on in his life with us. I really enjoyed talking to PeeWee when he came by. He was there in the waiting room when Steven was born, and enjoyed being a uncle to Steven. He was there when Mike brought Thomas home from Liberia, and enjoyed him the same as Steven. And he also welcomed Josie home as his new niece. He would always take time to talk with the kids and play video games with them. He always made sure at birthdays and Christmas to always have a gift for each one, no matter how small. He also always made sure to have a gift for Mike and I (I always remember that every Christmas for awhile, he would get me slippers). I also remember the brotherly love shared between him and Mike, or Michael as he always called Mike. When I say brotherly love, I mean it, the good, bad and ugly. They would argue with each other, even into adulthood-LOL. I will admit that Mike, just like an older brother, would aggrevate PeeWee until he got him mad (much of the same way I see two other little boys now-wink,wink). But even though Mike could make him mad, I also seen a little brother think that there wasn't anything his older brother couldn't do. I also seen an older brother who was there when his younger brother needed him, to fix a car, talk about baseball, football or wrestling, or just keep his front door open whenever that little brother came by. I seen and older brother always be a little protective over his younger brother. I remember when PeeWee finally decided to ask Mandy to marry him, he had Mike and I go with him to see what we thought of the ring. He always seemed to want Mike's approval or opinion in some way. After their dad died, I seen Mike take control and make sure the PeeWee and their mom was cared for. You see, PeeWee lived with their mom and took care of her (as she is in a wheelchair from a stroke)after their dad had a stroke and had to go to the nursing home. PeeWee was very dedicated to their parents and made sure they were both cared for. He put his life on hold at times so that their mom would be taken care of. He took her to the nursing home everyday that their dad was in there so that she could spend time with him. He also fixed their meals and took her where she needed to go. Mike and him worked together to care for their parents. Mike would care for the bills and make sure that they had what they needed, and he would go by and check sometimes daily on them and make sure they had what they needed and he would just visit with them. Then PeeWee met Mandy. We are so glad that he did, because she gave him a life that he needed and deserved. He loved her so much and she returned that love. They were married for 2 1/2 years. To short in my opinion, but some people don't even get half the love their whole lives that Mandy and PeeWee shared in the time they were together. Right before they were married, PeeWee found out that he had diabetes. It ended up getting pretty bad and started to affect his eyes and they said probably some of his heart too.
I probably will never understand why all of this happened. I know my dad always used to say that "when it is our time to go, it is our time and there is nothing we can do about it. God knew from the time we were born when we would died and nothing would stop it." I take comfort in that, but it still doesn't make it any easier.
I've seen a different side of Mike in the last month. I have seen him hurt in a way I never have before. I have seen him hurt and know that there is nothing I can do but just be there. I have seen my kids hurt and confused about all of this. One night Steven just cried and cried and asked why this happened. I honestly told him that I didn't understand, and that this would be one of those questions that I would ask God when we got to Heaven. Thomas said that the holidays would never be the same without PeeWee. He is right, I just told Mike at Easter, when PeeWee and Mandy came that I enjoyed them coming so much because I just enjoyed eating with them and talking. I never felt that we had to do anything special, but just be us around them. You see Mandy is so nice and very bubbly, and she is very easy to be around. Mike says that many times he waits to get a phone call from PeeWee, as PeeWee would always call Mike and ask him about ball scores and the kids' sports. Mike says he would ask him every time about ball scores and the kids and their sports. There is a lonely spot in Mike now, a spot that won't be filled. Things will never be the same, but as Mike told his mom when she asked him how they would go on without PeeWee, Mike said, "We will get up each day and make it through the day." And you know, that is what we will do. That's what my mom did when my dad died, what I did when my mom died, what Mike and his brother and mom did when his dad died, so I know that is what we will do now. It won't always be easy, but we have no choice but to do it and hold on to the great memories we have of PeeWee. I also think that saying goodbye to Mandy, as things will never by like they were at the holidays and such, was almost as hard for me. I still see PeeWee in some of the things Steven does, or the way Mike will look sometimes (as you could definitely tell they were brothers). So I guess he will never be completely gone. Afterall, someone like PeeWee will never be far from our hearts!