12 Weeks of Changes

I knew that this day was coming but, to me it seems to have come very quickly. I approach tomorrow with very mixed emotions. Like I have said before, I am very blessed to have the job I do and I love who I work with. Then there is the obvious other side. My heart is torn by the little girl who I have been with for 12 weeks. I can't really believe at times that Josie has been with me for 12 weeks, it sometimes just seems like yesterday that I was preparing to leave the U.S. on a journey that would lead me to our daughter. 12 weeks ago, I didn't know how to fix her hair, or I didn't play Barbies or doll babies, it was mostly trucks, cars and little army guys here. Now we have a mix of Barbies (some of those Barbies have married military men from G.I. Joe:), we have baby doll after baby doll, and I have even caught the boys playing baby doll too. Each have their babies and their names, and I am the babysitter when they have to go away:). We have watch Strawberry Shortcake, Dora, and Backyardigans movies. I have learned how to fix Josie's hair and love picking out her clothes. Our home has changed in 12 weeks, but it has changed for the better. Also in those 12 weeks I have traveled to Africa and been exposed to things that will always be a part of me. My heart has laughed, rejoiced, cried and even grown in those 12 weeks. I don't really think that I am the same person as I was 12 weeks ago. There are things that I have been exposed to that are now my responsibility to educate others about. Other things that are going on in our world that others need to know about and I have seen it first hand. I don't look at money the same way. Someone was telling me how much they spent for an IPod the other day. It was very nice and in fact it would be very nice to have, but being where I have been, I thought to myself, that would send a child to school in Liberia for a year. I am not saying we can't have nice things, my own children are playing soccer and that costs also, but we have cut some of the unnecessary things out of our lives. I know that we think a little more about spending and what we really need. Of course we still have some wants and we get those wants sometimes and we aren't perfect, but we are much more aware and cautious. I will not stand on a soapbox and tell everyone what they need to do, but I will examine more closely about what I need to do and point the finger at me. I am responsible for what I seen and I will have to answer one day for what I did or didn't do to help. There isn't a night in the last 12 weeks that I haven't throughout the day or when I lay down at night that I haven't thought about Liberia and what I experienced. I always think about my friends that I met and about our children's families. There also isn't a day that goes by that I haven't thought about how lucky I am to have received the wonderful gift of my daughter (and my sons and husband for matter).
If the world were perfect I would never have to leave our daughter (or our sons for that matter) and we could be just fine in our house. But we all know that the world isn't perfect. I will go to work tomorrow, I will appreciate my job and what I do and who I work with. I will also probably shed a few tears tonight and in the morning as I miss my daughter and my husband and the routine that I had for the last 12 weeks. But I will be excited to see my boys everyday and my very good friends at work. I will put my new pictures up at my desk and share with my class what Liberia was like (not everything, but things they would want to hear). I am so grateful to be able to come home to our little girl each night and know that next year she will be in the same school as me. I pray and reassure her that mommy will come home to her each day, as I know that that is a very real concern on her mind because to her it has been done before so what would stop someone from doing it now (even if the intentions were the best for her). I will work even harder to make each moment special for us as well as my time with Thomas, Steven and Mike. Things will change, but it is OK to change sometimes. If things always stayed the same I wouldn't have what I do today, and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.